Today we are stopping by the Marriage Corner for a cup of joe with CLD. I’m going to chat a little bit about marriage, because I am obviously a huge expert after two years of it and 6 total years with the same goofball of a man. Right.
Now if you’re like most couples, there is that time right before the wedding where you want to kill your fiance. Okay, (hopefully) not with a knife, but with your eyes and with your mind a little bit. Because you can’t see why helping you fold escort cards is so difficult, and he can’t see why his friend can’t bring his girlfriend of one month to your $200 a plate wedding. Then a snap of the fingers later you’re at your wedding and it is absolutely amazing and wonderful and you love each other to the nth degree of elation and beauty is everywhere and there are stars and sparks and cheers and hearts in the air!
And now you’re married. And those ebbs and flows never stop. Never. Marriage looks easy, but it is hard. Seriously. Even if you’ve lived together for two years and you’re all like “but we’re so ‘same same'”. Doesn’t matter. Don’t you have a best girl friend that you’ll love ’til the end of time but could never live with? That’s what it feels like at the most random moment. Hard because things you never thought would bother you because they’re “his deal”, are now your deal too because you’re married. You’re a team. A team that you have to fight hard to not let break up like the Spice Girls. And you both have to want it. As long as you never stop wanting it at the same time, you can make it last forever.
He used to tease you about how many lotions you use on your face, but now that you share bills he doesn’t understand a) how much they cost *and thinks there’s a conspiracy theory at the derm office*, and b) why you need so many different types. And you don’t understand why you have to pay more every month for ESPN 2, the golf channel, boxing and insert-your-least-favorite-thing-ever-here. Oh yeah, and all those fantasy leagues. ‘Winning’ $20 in the end does not count as winning when you paid $50 to enter, btw. And those are just the little things. So when you get to the real issues like holidays with in-laws, trying to have babies, down payments on houses and cutting back on monthly expenses – things that don’t occur when you’re 26 and falling in love, marriage can get fairly strained in your household.
So let’s go back to that blissful wedding … My number one thing to remind couples to do in their wedding is to stop, take a step away – just the two of you – and look at what’s going on around you. Look at each other. Take it all in and realize how blessed you are to have found this great love and to have so many people around you supporting you and celebrating it with you. That is key. But the real value in that lesson is that you have to never stop repeating that exercise. Because there will be times when it’s hard to remember, but that is why we remind ourselves.
It goes for your marriage too. You need to take a moment, step back, turn off the tv, turn of the kids (possible?), and look at each other. Remember what brought you together and how much you love that person next to you. Remember why. Do those little things for each other – even if you don’t want to – because hopefully, it will bring it out the reciprocal in them too. If you can try from the start to repeat, you are setting yourself up properly to keep remembering the love that you have. And if all else fails, go with my girl Gwyn’s marital advice.